Tuesday, November 14, 2006

separation anxiety

I feel like i'm being given a second chance at learning something i didn't learn when i was 16 (or maybe 17).

Back then, i fell completely head-over-heels in love with someone without really knowing them. We seemed to grow closer, without ever having a "dating" relationship, and one day they handed me a letter which basically said "it was nice knowing you, but our time of interaction is over: please leave me alone now."

I spent days in, near, or well past tears, wondering what it was about myself that they found so detestable, so utterly disgusting that they couldn't interact with me anymore. I couldn't really function at school and really didn't want to be around anyone.

I've felt this way recently, and though the circumstances are different, the final action ("go away, don't talk to me anymore") is equivalent.

What's the lesson here? It can't possibly be that i shouldn't get close to people. Is it that i shouldn't be so reliant on the approval of others for self-image? As social beings, i'm not sure it's possible to escape the need for validation of some kind. What's the lesson here? It can't possibly be that i shouldn't care what someone i love thinks or feels.

What's the lesson here?

1 comment:

tallon said...

Ultimately, what people think of you is none of your business, because what we think/say has more to do with who we are inside than what we see outside. But I agree that as social/pack animals, there is a certain level of influence that the people around us will have, which is a very good argument for being thoughtful in choosing the people you surround yourself with. That said, you don't lose value simply because someone has said that they don't want to be in your life anymore. The things that are lovable about you, are lovable still, even if they have disconnected from their appreciation of those things. Their need for "space" can be painful, if taken personally, but it never IS personal. I suspect that it just comes down to their own lack of skills in dealing with whatever feelings that come up around you. Whether it's disappointment, frustration, vulnerability, or whatever. So what is the lesson? I think it's to stay connected to your love of self, and others, even when it hurts. Thass what I think, anyway. Chin up yo!