Friday, March 31, 2006

Dream Log

Andy and i have a moment of tension that doesn't get resolved, and i rush off to get on an airplane; i'm on the plane with a male acquaintance or good friend, but i can't remember who. The plane is buffeted about by strong winds, which i normally love, but this time makes me feel uneasy. The plane eventually nicks a building or maybe a high-tension power line tower, and goes down. I have just enough time to think of what a jerk i was before we're all smeared on the ground.

As i die, i feel the energy released from every single cell in my body as it dies; i feel heat unlike any fever, and feel my consciousness leave the physical. I am filled with love, and even the regret i felt right before i died goes away. I know everything is going to be fine.

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Dream Log

As part of my Krav Maga (very light, one-class-per-week) training, Keith (the head of security at Pixar, and the instructor of the class) had me undergo something that seemed more like hazing than training, and had me take an ambien and see how long i could keep my elbows off the floor.

The setting for the dream was, i think, the gazebo/classroom from River's dream in Serenity.

I took the challenge very seriously, and fought off the effects of the ambien, and various temptations to sleep, in addition to some more physical challenges in the form of people trying to force me to the ground. I refused to lay down. I ended up getting very paranoid in my sleepless state, and woke up before i actually ended the challenge, feeling very smug.

Then, i realized i was in bed, and my elbows were down.

What does it mean to dream about not sleeping? About succeeding at something that, while you're sleeping and when you awake, you are a total failure at?

Friday, March 24, 2006

chocolate in bed

Despite every delicious thing that had happened the night before, the best part of the date came when i brought coffee and chocolate to them in bed the next morning.

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Dream Log

I had a dream last night that Andy (and maybe John) conspired to track down my old friend from elementary school, Mike O'Neil. My brain had age-changed his appearance, but left enough similarities there that i would recognize him.

We hugged and started catching up, and that's all i can recall.

I think that's why today i've felt so disconnected. I'm realizing how few friends i have from my time growing up. Paul and Mike are the only two i miss. I think i can still get back in touch with Paul; each time we've tried to reconnect, time and family obligations seem to get in the way.

Mike, though, has been missing for much longer. Or maybe i've been missing.

Monday, March 13, 2006

Being Ill Is Not Fun

Today felt like a complete waste of time at work today. I can't tell if it's the dayquil or the cold making my head too foggy to debug code.

The weekend was also hampered mightily by illness, though it didn't manage to ruin the Big Work Party this weekend. Seeing everyone in formal getup blew me away. Dressing in formal getup gave me much pleasure, as well. Perhaps Andy and I will attend more formal-attire events in the future, now that we have a bit more wardrobe support for it.

Had to cancel sunday's fun activity because i couldn't talk... still can barely talk. Ended up visiting family with Antonio and doing tech support for their poor, unfirewalled microsoft computers. One of the many positive aspects of visiting my family, though, is being stuffed to the gills with really, really tasty food.

It'll give me a heart attack by the time i'm 60, but i will have seriously enjoyed living.

Monday, March 06, 2006

Easy come, easy go

Andy had to turn down a job offer today because the employer was offering below prevailing wage for electrical, and the Local 6 rep reminded her that she really shouldn't work for less than she's worth. It's a valid point, it's just unfortunate that there are no actual, you know, jobs being offered through the union hall lately (where lately is the last 6 months).

The union is great, and i support her for making the decision she made, we're just in kind of an unfortunate bind of having to pay for day care just in case she gets called for a job... because if we don't, we won't have daycare when the job call comes in.

Really what I'm sad about, and i think i speak for Andy too, is that we won't have access to the cool plastic mold-form making tools and woodshop.

Dream Log

I had to watch as my underwater city was attacked and destroyed, despite the valiant efforts of my niece, Penny (i guess that makes me inspector gadget?). Antonio survived, as did Andy, but i remember waking up sad that my niece, Penny, was no longer with us.

This could take some analysis.

Friday, March 03, 2006


Work has been cranking this week, very very busy.

Spent an evening out last night with a friend i haven't had a chance to talk with much, and it was great to just sit and talk and then walk around and look at art. I think it was very good for both of us to get out, and just relax and reconnect.

I have made a lot of emotional progress with respect to my grandfather in the last couple of weeks. I no longer burst into tears when i think about him, or about him being gone, or whenever i happen to see a picture of him. I actually smile when i contemplate his existence and the influence he had on the world, and on my life specifically. I know he is either no longer a conscious entity, or he exists somewhere else, in some other state, in his blissed out calm, and either way i know he'd want, or would have wanted, people to be happy for having known him, and not missing out on the living yet to be done.

Thanks to everyone who helped me by just listening and talking.

Andy got a facilities job offer from an art school. She needs to check with her union before taking it, just to make sure she won't be ejected for taking the work. Hopefully it will work out, because the union is really not providing any work for her at all, and it stresses her out staying home.

In gardening news, Andy's garden has yielded its first potatoes. Yum!